DAY 202--HELLBOUND: BOOK OF THE DEAD

After sitting through Steve Session's 2003 shot-on-video snorer HELLBOUND: BOOK OF THE DEAD, I felt compelled to write the following list of things I hate (strictly by coincidence, I assure you):

--Movies that are supposedly suitable for this blog, yet take so much time getting to their zombies that I have to keep checking the DVD sleeve to make sure I'm watching the right goddamn film.

--Actors who are adept at delivering exposition but crumble the minute they have something dramatic to do. (See also: actors who speak so softly that the boom mike can't pick them up.)

--Irritatingly loud background music over dialogue.

--Movies that are exceedingly slow and meandering, yet don't have a strong enough story or visual style to support them.

--Boring bondage scenes.

--Subplots that exist for the sole purpose of padding the film and providing grungy T&A.

--Completely unrealistic situations that are put in to generate--or attempt to generate--cheap, false suspense.

--Films in which characters raise the dead to little or no consequence, either on a narrative or thematic level.

--Anything that resembles/comes from the director of DEAD CLOWNS.

--When I can't find a clip to illustrate just how fucking bad a movie really is.