DAY 283--MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND

I knew I was in trouble before MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND even started. Director Brett Kelly begins his 2006 do-it-yourselfer with a production logo: Brett Kelly Productions, with the words framing the filmmaker's photo, before moving on to opening quotes from both Shakespeare and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD--yep, it's time once again for Self-Enamored Amateur Director Theater. Perhaps if Kelly had spent more time working on a decent script instead of being in awe of himself he might've made a watchable horror-comedy.

Kelly also stars--big surprise--as a college professor who moves in with one of his female students. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that an ethics violation of some sort?) When Kelly accidentally backs over his new girlfriend, in one of the movie's many feeble examples of humor, he tries covering it up, only to discover she's come back as a flesh-eating zombie. (Don'tcha hate it when that happens?) This sets up a so-called comedy as Kelly inexplicably takes her on a camping trip that's slightly less amusing than an episode of HOMEBOYS FROM OUTER SPACE.

The story's utterly predictable, hitting every well-worn plot point right on schedule yet Kelly trots them out as if they're fresh. Making matters worse, he's a horrible leading man, a total black hole of charisma and a sloppy comedian to boot. This is the type of filmmaking--driven more by ego than a desire to tell a good story--that's all too prevalent on the DIY scene, and a shining illustration of why micro-budget films are so hard to sit through.

Even if you haven't watched MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND, you've already seen it, as there's nothing new or original. At 73 minutes, it's mercifully brief, yet still wears out is welcome staggeringly quick.